I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
