is your mom at the bar?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
