and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
