So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
