you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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