Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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