so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You pole danced in your parka.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
