My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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