your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
