its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
