if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
