if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
