Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
