Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
