well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
