And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
