wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
