I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
