sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
