guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
