I feel great
I just peed on a car
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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