She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
