I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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