I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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