Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
