Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
be right there i have to get my cape
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
