Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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