You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
