haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
