3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
did i just pee glitter
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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