how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
