walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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