My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I am never drinking with the goths again.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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