Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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