I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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