my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
