her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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