Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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