how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
