Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
