Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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