you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize