A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
