There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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