College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
