that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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