Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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