my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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