bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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