How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
