Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
