I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
