Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
