I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
