I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
