He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
