I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
