dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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