What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
