He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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