Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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