whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Operation Purity has been aborted
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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