RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
