Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
