I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
