i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
