you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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