Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
