He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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