WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
