Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
