Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the day after is always just damage control
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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