at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I am one with the molecules
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
