I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
