She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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