What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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