Where is the hickey?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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