Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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