Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
