so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
