I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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