Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
