just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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