I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
