whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
North Korea, Best Korea!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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