I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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