dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Operation Purity has been aborted
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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