Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
