wat bout pragnant strippers??
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize