All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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